I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize