I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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