He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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