I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
