Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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