Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
