Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
