i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
