also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize