speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I deserve this hangover.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
