i just made my gag reflex go away.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's never too late to be topless.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
