btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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