I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
