It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
