she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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