He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
