and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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