i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
