She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
