I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
