and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
