Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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