Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
