whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Houston, we have a squirter
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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