lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
