He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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