2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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