So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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