I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
