Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
