We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
