Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
