I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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