I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
