This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
