is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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