I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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