I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
