you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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