Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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