I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
