Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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