If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
