can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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