Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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