I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
