WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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