It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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