What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
