I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize