I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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