Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
