just come out here and I will go home with you...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
