Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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