The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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