i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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