if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize