got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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