there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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