I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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