Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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