What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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