My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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