Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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