So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
