so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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